Hi Mick,
As you can see I do a lot of squats, and my ass is getting rather
big. Can you advise me on what to do? Should I carry on squatting
or stop? I would like your thought a on my situation as I respect
your opinion whatever it will be. What would you do?
Jeanne,
California
Dear
Jeanne,
Hmnnn, what would I do? Well for a start, and if you do not want
to get any bigger, I would certainly, well, er, ease up on those
squats for a while, maybe a couple of decades in order that things,
sort of balance up a little bit! You see, if you squat deep BUT
bend to much from the waist (like in a forward trunk bend) with
weight on, this can build your ass a little too much. With the
picture that you have sent me, I can see that you must have been
squatting with either your car on your back or a couple of horses!
Fucking hell girl, that is some squatting power.
However, there are many opportunities open to you with an ass
like that which I will list for your perusal:
1. You could come over to my house where I will examine your glutes
with great interest; being a professional, and my job, I could
‘slap” (with a shovel) a couple of ideas together
for your to consider!!
2. You could also get a well paid job in a motorbike parking lot,
ensuring that the person sticking his front wheel in the crack
of your ass, that their bike will be there when they get back
from shopping. Or finally.........
3. Get a job as a security officer in some BIG assed shopping
mall! Anyone having to pass through the crack of your ass, and
getting caught, will NOT get away! But, would they want to?
BUTT, er I mean, so, consider the thoughts and let me know when
you are coming over, er, have decided if I can help!
Gotta go and shower now love - shit it’s hot!
(cough-cough)
Mick Hart
Hello Mick,
I'm in my late thirties and rather large - 5'10" and 18 stone
(250+lbs). I was thinking of getting fit and turning my flab into
muscle before I end up looking like a fat old git! Would it be
worth my while joining one of these flash gyms or could I do it
at home? I drive a truck for a living so do a lot of sitting down!
My arse is spilling over my cab's seat! Do any of these vitamins
and stuff help? I know I should give up the fry-ups before I have
a heart attack!
Any advice welcome.
Barry
Dear Fat Old Git,
Flash gyms are OK if you are FLASH - but what do you want - flash
or results? Training at home can be as good as or even better.
OK, you have to motivate yourself even harder, but that is what
it is all about. It’s no good starting if you don't mean
to carry on - agree?
I know that people around you can be an inspiration, but looking
in the mirror and seeing an up and coming fat arsed heart attack
is ALL the drive that anyone could want. Do it for yourself and
get a basic training kit bought and start from the beginning.
Ok so you drive a truck, but you have to stop some time, and so
when you do make sure that it is near a gym. Training can help,
but if you want to be a success, then I am afraid that training
HAS to become part of your life. There is no other way. Vitamins
and supplements will help, but that is all they will do - help!
You have to do the rest and kick arse and get the job done.
See
now how important nolvadex really is? The guy who tried to nibble
these, lost his moustache
Hey Mick,
I'm no serious bodybuilder or anything but I do go to the gym
3 times per week and I wondered whether Fat Burners would do me
any good. I'm not overweight exactly but I do need to shift some
love handles!
Aaron G.
Wassssssup Aaron,
Anything that will help break up the fat has got to be a good
thing. Bearing in mind that all of these "fat burning assistors"
work better when the body is in a state of "fat breakdown"
- meaning that you are working out or on a diet at least. You
have to help them along. We are a long way from the tablet that
just knocks it all off and leaves you totally in shape.
Kick ass mate and get training. BUT remember, love handles are
handy. Want to know how you can make your missus really go for
it on a love making night? Go into the doggy position, hold onto
HER love handles and JUST before you blow your lid - CALL HER
ANOTHER NAME!! Boy, you will see then that LOVE HANDLES are very
handy! Then fuck off pretty quick! Till then, here is a picture
of some burning nipples to help you on your way! Why? Dunno!
Dear Mick,
Since I stopped boxing I've been hitting the weights pretty hard.
I made quite good progress to start with going from 170 pounds
to about 205 pounds over the first 18 months (with a little help
of course). However this seems
to have stopped and I’ve been about 205-210 for the last
6 months. I have two main questions.
1. I eat a good diet, and try to get all my carbs and protein
from proper food, as I'm not overly keen on the shakes. However
I have found that because I've put on a bit of muscle I need to
eat a fair bit. Unfortunately as my appetite is not huge I find
it difficult enough eating to stay the same size never mind put
more muscle on. Ideally I'd like to bulk up to about 17st then
try and harden up and drop to around 16.5st - I should look pretty
awesome then. Do you know of any ways, either natural or not,
to push my appetite up or slow the metabolism down. I find that
the gear doesn’t do much to increase my appetite - my favorites
are Winstrol base, with Drive and Prima depot to inject. Also.................
2. I am very strong on my shoulders and triceps. I can military
press 105kg but my flat bench is crap by comparison at 115kg.
I find that my delts and tri’s take over a lot when benching
and my chest doesnt get much out of it.
As a result I have no big movement for my chest and it is lagging
behind a bit. I do lots of other exercises to try and make up
- flyes,pullovers, dips, dumbell work but unfortunately it isnt
working. We have only got free weights and benches at college
(typical rugby gym) - so do you have any ideas. Thanks Mick
Paul,
Cambs
Hey Paul,
Smaller, more regular meals will help if you are struggling to
get the calories in mate. As for the alternatives, well I know
that B12 jabs used to make my appetite go through the roof but
after a while, it slowed down as I got used to it. Using them
every so often helped, but I was not that impressed to be honest.
Also, I bet that your metabolism is still through the roof, tends
to happen with the type of training boxing gives you. Like a training
routine, you will have to get into a ROUTINE with your eating
in order to get up there with the big ‘uns mate. However,
from 17st down to 16.5, well there will not be much hardening
with only 7lbs loss I can tell you.
The gear? Although you prefer the winny and primo I would still
add either a shot of testoviron enanthate or sustanon which will
not bang to much water on if any especially with such a small
amount. In fact your strength will go up and may also help to
lower your bodyfat levels a little. It does with me quite well.
Put the test in with a shot of deca at the beginning of the week
and then the winny every third day. That will do the job.
As for the strength differences i.e. delts v chest, that is to
be expected because of your boxing training. A lot of the strength
will be in your delts because of the punching power - as you will
know. Do not force the changes, take it in your stride and instead
of trying to force push heavy weights on the chest, go for the
increased reps and gradually the strength will come back in a
more equal and balanced manner. This I guarantee.
Dear Mick,
Does it make any difference to the effectiveness of gear whether
it's swallowed (pills) or injected? I've never tried the gear
before and have been offered some at my gym.
G. Naoim,
Shrewsbury
Hi Mate,
Well they are different in ways that the injection is directly
into the muscle and of course more or less quicker but not necessarily
more effective. People are so different.
Tablets take that bit longer but are AS effective. However, they
are passed through the bodies filtration system and of course
are distributed that way. Some say that the tabs are more toxic
than jabs but that is not necessarily so in all cases. It depends
a lot on the amounts anyway.
That is why dosages HAVE to be taken steadily no matter what arseholes
tell you to take LOADS without pyramiding. remember, once it is
in, you have gotta wait till it comes out and that can take a
bit of time.
Hi Mick,
Yeah I am writing you because I have been on this low carb-high
protein diet. For about 2 months now I have lost 30lbs from it
and I am really pleased with the results so far. I am a discus
thrower and I am use to spending a lot of time in the weight room
my main purpose in there was always to build some size and I always
focused on low repetitions with high resistance but since this
year I am out of track for a year I decided to drop some weight
and improve my appearance. Right now I am interested in working
out to gain a more ripped appearance I basically have three questions
:
1. Do you think in my situation that the low carb-high protien
diet is ideal?
2. If I am on this low carb diet and am interested in improving
my muscular definition could I start doing more repitions in my
workouts or would it be best to keep the weight up and work on
building the definition after i complete the 12 weeks?
3. Do you think that excessive amounts of running are counter
productive on the low carb diet?
I am trying to put a weight room cardio vascular work out program
that is compatable with my diet or if my diet is not ideal for
accomplishing these results i would like to go to one that would
be better. I would really appreciate any advice I can get and
I am glad that there are people like you out there who have the
experience to give me any advice that will help me. Thanks for
your time
Hey Mate,
1. Yes the low carb diet can work quite well, but be aware of
the weight loss as it can get to far - keep a good eye on the
progress and watch your weight especially. Up the carbs when workouts
get to hard to get through.
2. I would keep the weights up and work on building definition
at a later date. Personally, I prefer to stay with 10-12 reps
on ALL aspects of training, size or definition. Remember it is
the diet that rips you up not so much the reps, although the increased
reps act similar to aerobic exercise, but the burn rate is not
really that fast.
3. Yes definitely because it can rob the body of protein and therefore
muscle tissue. Don’t do to much or you will find that you
WILL get ripped and a lot smaller too! Not my preferred solution.
It Fits Now You Shall Be My Princess
Dear Mick,
I am enquiring about a form of Dianabol from Thailand that my
friend has brought over. He got it from his brothers mate who
I trust implicitly. He got it from a genuine pharmacist over there.
I believe it is real, but I need you to verify them.
They are called Dianabol DS (?) I believe and they are 10mg in
size and made into the shape of a heart. Are you aware of them?
Have you tried them at all?
Genuine Anon
Dear Genuine,
I remember the phone conversation that we had about this and I
have to put this in writing as I promised I would. In the first
place, I want you to read the article entitled, “Anadrol
Hell”, this is important.
The second point is that if you are so sure of your source, then
why are you asking me? Think! If your brothers best mate of his
uncle’s great grandad's mates brother-in-law’s aunties
friend says it is real, are you really that sure of their genuinity?
Are you really? Let me help you a little more.
Why the fucking hell should they make Dianabol in the shape of
a heart? Why? Beats the shit outta me let me tell you! Why a heart?
Why not a prick or a horse, maybe a fish! Doe these silly points
ring any alarm bells - if not they should!
Another fact. I have no doubt that Dianabol CAN be made in 10mg
tablets, but I have not yet seen them - ever! Why not 20’s
or 25’s? Again, any bells ringing here mate?
People call me, they write and e-mail too, but they do this for
a reason - the replies that they get are NO BULL!! If you choose
to ignore this advice, then that is your choice. Otherwise it
really is a waste of time contacting me in the first place. My
priority is your safety, your supplier is obviously showing his
true priorities and that, in my opinion is towards fucking you
up!
If I am wrong, then I would take it on the chin. I honestly don’t
think that I am. To many bells here mate. Hi! I'm hoping you can
respond as I seem to be out of luck for answers. And definitely
the pharmaceutical people have zero reply except negative.
Dear Mick,
I wanted to know if the amounts of anabolic steroid excreted in
semen and then say ingested or absorbed vaginally, are significant
enough to effect a woman. (as though she were taking small amounts).
I have started breaking out albeit especially on my back, shoulders,
chest and albeit on the face. I've never been like this in my
life. My boyfriend takes Deca and Dianabol (I believe are the
names).
Is it possible that I am inadvertently taking anabolic steroids
through my boyfriends excretions?
The only answer I received from pharmacists was, "Well when
your boyfriend has liver disease and a heart attack from taking
steroids meant for large animal use only, then you won't have
to worry anymore!!"
Any info is appreciated,
Val, via e-mail (name changed for obvious)
Dear Tina,
First of all, for a pharmacist and I suppose a scientist, all
I can say that he is a total, 100% unequalled TWAT for not having
the least bit of concern. Please tell him from me will you? What
a jerk off!
In a word - yes it can actually do this, but it wont harm you
in any way really, although the spots and stuff can be a pain.
The amount of testosterone that you will be getting is really
quite small, but obviously affecting you as it is. It will have
been filtered quite a lot before it gets to you. If any more problems
occur or get worse, then you will have to confront your guy before
it gets any worse.
Be straight with him. The only other thing, of course, is to use
condoms which will sort out the problem straightaway.
Don’t want to be a Marjorie Proops here, but if he won’t
wear a condom and comes back with something like, “well
I am not giving up blah, blah”, simple, tell him to fuck
himself love! He will get his own back then - if you will pardon
the pun!
(PS. Sorry about the joke pic Val).
Dear Mick,
What is it with all of this “muscle enhancing” stuff
that I hear about of late? They apparently inject it into a muscle
group like the arms and BOOM, same day or next day they are an
inch or two bigger. What is it? Does it work? Is it dangerous?
I have heard it is like a jelly of some kind, is this true?
I was wondering if I could use it in my day to day training as
it would give my shit arms a bit of a boost.
Any help would be appreciated Mick.
Gibbo, via e-mail
Dear Gibbo,
Honest opinion mate? Load of fucking shit! A lot are using it
now for contests and are looking totally freaky yes, but they
do not realise that ALL are laughing at them at the same time.
There are several types that really do different things and to
be honest I do not know a great deal about them except for the
fact that pumping silicone shit into the arms is a NO NO mate
- period! No one knows what can happen in that or any area with
stuf such as silicone. OK breast implants are, to me, bad enough,
but an area that is constantly pumped, nahhh, no one knows what
can happen mate. Pure bloody idleness it is. I work my arms hard,
and at the end of the day I know that ALL of that work is mine,
and not a rubbery substance. Yuk!
Some of these injections increase the amount of fluid in that
area too. Now for a contest, it should look ripped, most just
look a bag of water.
Steroids?
A different matter. We have to train hard if we want them to work,
if you are on the gear you will (or should) know this. Eating,
sleeping, training, resting, you know, all these things go together
to assist the gear. With injections like these, makes contest
preparation a piece of piss to be honest.
Same goes for implants! Why bother being a bodybuilder when at
the end of the day all you have to do (and some are now) have
silicone muscles implanted into an area. Who wants to walk around
like a fucking jelly baby eh? Those who have had them done and
LIE ABOUT HOW HARD THEY HAVE TRAINED ought to be rubbed down with
a wire brush and Dettol and dried off with a HOT hair dryer for
their deeds. It gives us REAL bodybuilders yet ANOTHER bad name.
Arseholes!!
Having said that, makes me wonder about a silicone dick! You could
have an extension with a sort of radio controlled up and down
switch! It would not matter then if you could not get a hard on
- it would be there 24/7! Hmnn, removable NIPPLES!?! Now, where
is that damn catalogue?
